Holiday, R. (2016). Ego Is The Enemy. New York, NY: Portfolio.
This is a book recommended by Shuai and I really enjoy reading it. I still remember very clearly that during one conversation Shuai told me how he thought I was without doubt one of the most humble persons he knows. However, he did sense my ego came up from time to time and got the better part of me. He believed it would be beneficial for me to read Ego Is The Enemy. I found the book that night and started reading it.
We all know ego is a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance and we all have it. But Holiday describes it much more vividly:
“Up ahead there will be: Slights. Dismissals. Little fuck yous. One-sided compromises. You’ll get yelled at. You’ll have to work behind the scenes to salvage what should have been easy. All this will make you angry. This will make you want to fight back. This will make you want to say: I am better than this. I deserve more”
This is ego at play. And this is how Holiday suggests us to handle our ego:
“Instead, you must do nothing. Take it. Eat it until you’re sick. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder”
This is just too hard. What makes it even worse is that this is not a one-time battle in which you could just give everything you have to win it and be done with it. One’s ego is alway there and you will have to restrain it every time it emerges:
“Restraint is a difficult skill but a critical one. You will often be tempted, you will probably even be overcome. No one is perfect with it, but try we must”
This reminds me of the story that Mr.Li told over and over again. He told people that when he was young, he was humble on the surface but inside there was so much pride and ego that he knew one day it would get him into big troubles. Therefore, when he created his company, he named it “Cheung Kong”, which is the cantonese word for the Yangtze River (the longest river in China and the third longest river in the world). He further explained that the reason why Yangtze River becomes Yangtze River is because it never looks down upon the little creeks. However small they are, Yangtze River welcomes them and attracts them. Naming his company “Cheung Kong” reminded him to always be humble and avoid being controlled by his ego. Lots of other stories of similar nature are recounted in Holiday’s book to show how different individuals wrestled, fought and tamed this wild animal of ego. Among them one individual left a deep impression on me and that is the legendary UCLA basketball coach John Wooden. As Holiday explains:
“Wooden wasn’t about rah-rah speeches or inspiration. He saw those extra emotions as a burden. Instead, his philosophy was about being in control and doing your job and never being passion’s slave”
How did he manage to do that? The secret lies in his changed definition of success:
“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming”
In this definition, success is neither being measured nor dependent externally. Wooden is not seeking recognitions and approvals from other people. He has this internal yardstick that he measure himself against. As long as he meet his internal yardstick, he reaches the peace of mind and he achieves success.
Last but not the least, there is one quote in the book that I like very much:
“Think big, but live and act small”